Discussion

The first sentence is "Hypnotism." Just say the word. If you can’t say the word, that’s where to start. The discussion is bringing up the concept of hypnosis.

If your partner does have preconceived notions of hypnosis, especially if there are strong feelings about hypnosis, then let them talk about it. Listen and ask questions to make sure you’ve heard them, without correcting or explaining anything.

It can be very tempting to tell your partner that they are wrong or incorrect, but this can only come after they’ve had an opportunity to speak. Once they’re done talking, ask if you can share your opinion about hypnosis. If they say yes, then you can talk.

This is called active listening. It’s a skill that doesn’t come naturally to most people, and it’s easy to think you’re listening when you’re really just waiting to talk.

As an alternative or as a preamble to an in-person conversation, it may help to send a link in an email or forward an Instagram/Tiktok video. Pick something that explains the theory, rather than trying to impress people.

Here’s a good SFW video showing Buzzfeed employees trying out hypnosis.

Here’s Richard Barker talking with Health Magazine. This one is more relaxed than Buzzfeed.

Here’s a NSFW debunker.

If you have strong feelings about hypnosis, that must also be addressed. This applies especially to people with a hypnosis fetish who have been sitting on this for years. For example, some people feel guilt, shame, or even panic attacks. Handling strong feelings is best done by talking to a trained therapist, but even talking anonymously to others in the community can be a big help.

There is the question of how and when you "come out" to your partner as having a kink. I believe you have an ethical obligation to let someone know when their activity is involved in your kink ahead of time. If your primary interest in hypnosis is to be turned on, rather than as a disinterested guide, then your partner has a right to know. You don’t have to bring it up on the first conversation, but you should have that conversation before you start practicing.

The second sentence is "I want to hypnotize."

The discussion is bringing up an interest in hypnotizing or in being hypnotized in general. At this point, you’re saying that hypnotism is something you want to practice, but you’re not attaching the idea to your partner specifically.

Your partner will infer that you are floating a question in their direction, but this is an opportunity to volunteer or give a soft no. This is less stressful than a direct ask followed by a hard refusal.

Floating the question also provides more options. Your partner may not want to be hypnotized, but may be fine with you hypnotizing other people, or your partner may want to defer the question and have some time to think about it.

The final sentence is "I want to hypnotize you." Your partner should know you’re curious and/or have a hypnosis kink by this point. If your partner doesn’t know, you should bring that up first before you propose the activity.

This is best couched with a date and a context. Setting a date makes it easier to plan ahead, and it also gives your partner an opportunity to defer without a hard refusal. Setting a context lets your partner know what kinds of activities you’re planning.

For example, you can say "I want to hypnotize you Friday night. Just stress relief and positive self-image suggestions, no stage hypnosis stuff."

If your partner says yes and wants to know more details, then you are onto negotation.

Negotiating consent is a framework for establishing agreed on behavior in a hypnosis session. Here are some consent phrases you can practice.

At the same time, beginners can’t ask the right consent questions and may not know what to expect. You don’t know what is okay for you and what isn’t if you’ve never experienced it. This is another reason to go slow, get lots of feedback, and be clear that it’s okay to stop or pause if you’re uncomfortable. Here’s a sample list showing things you can talk about. Here’s a NSFW list.

There may be specific issues that could come up that have unexpected connotations. Your partner could have a phobia of spiders, or may react badly to sudden noises. Go over things that you should avoid in sessions.

There are some things that your partner does not want to do and will never want to do. Know your partner’s limits.

Respecting limits builds trust.

Pushing limits destroys trust.

Trust is the foundation of hypnosis.

Aftercare is very individual, and depends on your relationship with your partner. Some people want to be held, other people need time to themselves to collect their thoughts, and some people want positive statements and reassurances. You should negotiate what kind of aftercare your partner will want.

You can in fact walk up to random people on the street (or you could pre-covid), ask them nicely "would you like to be hypnotized" and hypnotize them. Good examples of this are zemmy and Zach Pincince.

Zemmy shows introducing yourself and explaining what you’re doing.

Zach Pincense describes the process of becoming a hypnotist.

There are two flavors of hypnosis conventions, hypnotherapy and hypnokink. The hypnotherapy conventions are not very newbie friendly, with one exception, Hypnothoughts Live, which combines hypnotherapy with stage and street hypnotists.

The hypnokink convention circuit — Hypnation, Charmed, NEEHU — is a very easy place to find people who want to be hypnotized. The conventions will have guidelines on where and when it’s appropriate, and set aside "play time" for convention-goers.

If your partner isn’t up for it, you’re not near a convention, and street hypnosis doesn’t appeal, then you can ask the Internet.

A good place to start is to ask the r/EroticHypnosis discord group, or post to /r/HypnosisPractice/ (SFW) and /r/hypnohookup (NSFW).