Post Hypnotic Suggestions

A post hypnotic suggestion is a suggestion that takes place after the session is over that produces a particular action in response to a trigger. (There are other forms of suggestions intended to alter habits and thought patterns generally, but I consider these to be behavior modification suggestions rather than post hypnotic suggestions as they do not have triggers involved.)

There’s nothing especially different about the mechanics of a post hypnotic suggestion. What is different is the trigger and the context. Since your partner will be walking around doing every day things, they will typically need to see or interact with a trigger that will cue them to follow the suggestion. However, they may be in a context that would cause following the suggestion to be unsafe or unwise, e.g. driving or at work. Because of this, more thought needs to be put into suggestions to ensure that you and your partner has a good time.

One important thing you should do to make sure your partner has a good time is think carefully about the emotions, thoughts, physical sensations, and scene that you want your partner to experience when they follow the suggestion. Following a suggestion should be more than just "I’m doing it because I feel like I should do it" — your partner may feel anticipation, inevitability, realization, may feel agency over their own body fading, or may feel like all their thoughts have been focused through a magnifying glass onto this one activity.

Post hypnotic suggestions also require management. You may need to reinforce suggestions if the effect has faded, and you may want to review and re-evaluate suggestions as you are using them. Setting up suggestions depends on the timescale involved.

Creating Safety Conditions

A trigger that will work in any context with no safeties is called an open trigger, and a trigger that only works in some contexts is called a closed trigger. Safeties are especially important in post hypnotic suggestions, because they can be potentially used out there in the real world.

Using a trigger repeatedly over time can build up automaticity to the point where it can become a conditioned response that can be difficult to suppress even with safeties.

You should never, ever deliberately trigger your partner in an unsafe or inappropriate situation, regardless of how many safeties you have.

Do not rely on safety suggestions.

For the sake of safety, you should start by using triggers that are closed.

The trigger only works when you specifically use it.
The trigger only works when appropriate.
The trigger doesn’t work if they veto it or use a safeword.

Optionally, you may wish for safeties to be limited by time, space, or proximity.

The trigger only works at home.
The trigger only works on the weekends.
The trigger only works when you’re in the room.

Safeties can be a mouthful, and so you may end up saying things like "as appropriate." You don’t need to capture every edge case, your partner knows what you mean and what they want as ground rules.

Some triggers, such as finger snaps or using a clicker, are inherently risky because your partner can’t tell that it’s you specifically.

Beginner Suggestions

Beginner post-hypnotic suggestions should be low stakes and fun. You don’t have to go overboard.

When you walk out of this room, you’re going to do a little dance as you go through the hallway.
For the next five minutes, when I say "Marco" you say "Polo."
Just for today, whenever I give you a compliment, you’re going to accept it and say "thanks I know" with a big smile.

Often just giving the suggestion alone can be enough, but you may want to add to it to convey extra emotions and play with agency. Phrasing suggestions to say "this will happen to you" reduces the sense of agency and makes your partner feel like they have less control over their own actions.

Giving Suggestions

You should negotiate consent for post hypnotic suggestions with your partner. Your partner may be fine with blanket consent for single use suggestions that are only valid until the end of the day, but may not be ready for triggers that could be active longer term. Your partner may not be okay with post hypnotic suggestions with amnesia, or may have concerns about sensory suggestions being inadvertantly triggered.

There can be a learning curve for your partner if they have not done it before. If your partner is not used to remembering post hypnotic suggestions or commonly has post-hypnotic amnesia, you may want to give the post hypnotic suggestion using rehearsals or spaced repetition over the course of the session to get it to stick. Discuss it during the pretalk, walk through it in the session, then summarize and confirm the trigger and suggestion just before the wake up.

When possible, tie triggers to psychological mechanisms. For example, it’s common for people to have "hallway effect" amnesia, and you can leverage this to have your partner forget their name as soon as they leave the room. Smells can be strongly associated with memories and enviroment and so you can set up a trigger to associate a perfume with happy safe feelings. You can also tie a trigger to an object of significance: for example, you can say that when your partner puts on the cat onesie, they will become a cat.

Post hypnotic suggestions can work often better as explicit tasks, where your partner has full knowledge of the trigger and the behavior. Knowing that the trigger exists is not an impediment to following the suggestion.

It is possible to give your partner a post hypnotic suggestion and also give them amnesia about the suggestion. This means that they don’t know that there is a post hypnotic suggestion until you use the trigger and they follow the suggestion automatically.Amnesia is not always complete. It’s common for people to wake up with a sense that they have something on their to-do list, even if they don’t remember exactly what it is.

Using Desire in Suggestions

Changing your partner’s intentions or values can give you far more leverage than directly controlling behavior. Instead of making the suggestion about immediately doing a thing, you can give your partner a suggestion to want to do the thing. This also gives them more discretion to cover situations where they have to disengage from an activity and can’t do the thing immediately.

Playing with desire can be risky. For some people, it can be very hard to hold back from doing the things they want to do, even if they know they’ll regret it afterwards.

Make sure that you get your partner’s full and informed consent and understand how they react before you give suggestions that alter agency.

You can even be mean and create the desire to do the thing but make them unable to do it without another trigger. Wanting to do a thing but not being able to do a thing builds up tension, and doing the thing becomes the release and the reward.

Setting Up Suggestions

Setting up a post hypnotic suggestion is different depending on the timescale: short term, timeboxed, or long term.

Short Term

Short term suggestions typically only last for a day or less, but they can be scoped down even further so that a trigger is only active for a set period of time or you or your partner has to leave. The shortest possible suggestion is single use, where the trigger is only valid once. You may want to set a timer on your phone so that you don’t have to keep track of the time yourself.

I’m going to give you a post hypnotic suggestion now. Every time I say Marco the word Polo will instantly and effortlessly come from your lips. You may be able to stop yourself from saying it, but then the word will press up against your lips and the need to say Polo will become stronger and stronger — in fact, the more you try to not say Polo, the stronger that urge will become until you just can’t hold it back any more. Every time you say the word Polo, it will become more and more automatic and immediate until it slips out before you can even try to hold it back.

This suggestion works only as appropriate from now until when the timer on my phone goes off or more than five minutes has past. Nod your head if you understand and accept this suggestion.

Short term suggestions are also the easiest for your partner, as the memory of the session is still fresh and some of that will carry over into post hypnotic suggestions.

Timeboxed

Suggestions that are timeboxed over several days need more thought and care than single use suggestions. It’s easy to forget which suggestions are current, and they may need refreshing over time.

You may want to timebox to a week, as recall of post hypnotic suggestions can decay if not used for an extended period. If you give a post hypnotic suggestion once and then use the trigger over a month later, your partner may legitimately forget the intended suggestion, although you should not rely on this to happen and should explictly remove any post hypnotic suggestions that you have not timeboxed.

One way to refresh and keep track of active triggers is to use implementation intentions. An implementation intention is formed when your partner explicitly says and means the trigger and the suggestion out loud as a verbal commitment.

Example implementation intentions

For this week, I will follow these suggestions as appropriate:

When you text me a hug emoji, I will feel hugged and held.
When I put on the cat onesie, then I will become a cat.

This confirms your partner’s understanding of their triggers and reinforces their recall. If you and your partner make a regular habit of implementation intentions every morning, it also lets your partner review suggestions and decide what commitments they want to make. If a trigger isn’t fun for them or they don’t feel that they can commit to it, that’s a good time to take it out.

Long Term

Long term suggestions stick best when they are taken seriously. Have a conversation about the suggestion and workshop different ways it could fail and make sure your partner understands the implications.

Long term suggestions are commitments, so play that up. The first time you do this, your partner should explicitly commit to it. Add ritual. Make it like swearing an oath. Intentionality matters here. If you can tie the long term suggestion to their role or even their identity, so much the better. You may periodically reinforce the suggestion, but making the suggestion significant is better than grinding it in through repetition, and it helps prevents the suggestion from becoming a conditioned response.

I’m going to give you a long term post hypnotic suggestion now. Whenever I say or text "Are you ready to be hypnotized?" you will want and need to drop into hypnosis. You will stop whatever you are doing and do whatever you need to so that you can be ready to drop into hypnosis, and once you are ready, you will let me know. You will not be able to drop into hypnosis until I tell you to, and when I do, all the thoughts will drop out of your head in an instant and you will be completely focused on following all of my suggestions. Your eyes will stay open, your body will stay in the same position, and you will be able to respond and reply to my words.

If you are not in an appropriate situation, then you will tell me that you are not ready and you will be able to manage the desire until you are able to be ready. If anything happens while you are hypnotized, you will be able to respond as appropriate and let me know what happened.

I want you to say this suggestion back to me in your own words. When you say it, believe it, commit to it, and make it a part of who you are.

Using Post Hypnotic Suggestions

It can be intoxicating when you give a post hypnotic suggestion for the first time and feel that you can trigger your partner to follow your suggestions when you want.

But this power is really about trust. Your partner has voluntarily given away part of their autonomy to you, and trusts you to be responsible when using it. A post hypnotic suggestion should be fun for your partner as well as for you, and it’s up to you to make sure they have a fun experience.

Meet Your Partner Where They Are

A very common newbie problem is a tendency to use triggers out of the blue, without checking in with your partner’s emotional state. You should avoid surprising your partner with any kind of play when your partner is dysregulated or out of sorts — even if it’s well-intentioned, it may not go well.

Say that you gave your partner a post hypnotic trigger that when you say "You are a cat!" they instantly will turn into a cat instantly. Your partner loved it last time, and you had great fun. You’ve been thinking about this all day, and you can’t wait to try it again, as soon as they walk in the door. Meanwhile, your partner has had a bad day at work, has a splitting headache, has been stuck in traffic getting home, and has been rehearsing a four page email to write when they get home. You meet them at the door and say "You’re going to be a cat!" while throwing the cat onesie at them.

If you want your partner to become a cat as soon as they come home from work, make it work for them.

First, take the mental load off your partner. Your partner may have a todo list of all the things that need to get done: this may involve housework, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. When they come home, they already have a set of intentions, and that will get in the way of following the suggestion unless you address it up front.

Second, set the scene. Turn the heating on, make sure there’s lots of blankets available, and have a youtube video of a cat purring in the background. Then, check in with them when you meet them at the door. See what they need: get them some aspirin and do some co-regulation in the form of breathing exercises. Tell them what you would like to do, and propose a plan for the night: they will write and send off the four page email, take a shower, get into the cat onesie you left out on the bed, and then you’ll trigger them so they can be a cat playing with a ball of yarn while you make dinner.

Don’t Overuse Triggers

Another common newbie problem is overusing a trigger. Following a post hypnotic suggestion can be a fun experience for your partner the first time, but there are diminishing returns and it can become more annoying than fun.

This is a particular problem with open triggers, or triggers that can be used by more than one person. Your partner may be fine playing "Marco Polo" with you, but if a five year old overhears your interaction then your partner is not going to have a fun time.